:: a white bitch’s journey into financial slavery …
It all started back in early 2014 as I somewhat innocently searched the web looking for ‘vanilla porn’ when I came across a site called Niteflirt. Curious, I logged onto the site and opened an account to see what it had to offer. Little did I know that just a few minutes later my life would change forever. After just a few clicks I found JadedHalo and instantly I fell to my knees. The woman of my dreams was right there on the computer screen staring at me. I have had an inner desire to be a beta all my life and had a particular weakness for ebony women, but this was something different. Just her picture made me numb. I shook with excitement, but also had the fear of the unknown. For the next almost 2 YEARS, I would visit Niteflirt 4-5 times a week just to view her page and worship from afar but never had the balls to call. I was trying to convince myself all along that I was a strong, alpha male and had complete control over my life. I tried in vain for the next 21 months to go about my life as normally as possible, working hard all day, living the vanilla life, but I just could not stop thinking about Goddess. She began to creep into my dreams almost nightly, and 4-5 days per week became 4-5 times per day! All along, Goddess had no idea I even existed, but the power she already had over me was just too much for me to hold in anymore.
On March 22, 2016 (I will always remember the day! 😊 ), I deposited $100 in my NF account and called her line. When she answered my voice went silent, I just did not know what to say, after she said hello for the second time, I mustered up the courage to say hi back. From the very second the conversation started I had a feeling of utter euphoria. Her voice was magical and her power could be felt over the phone. I was in heaven and knew I had found my place in life, beneath her feet. Why did I wait so long to take this leap? I literally screamed that out loud after hanging up.
Over the next few months her power over me became more and more evident. At first, I had an expectation that with a ‘tribute’ automatically came a reward in the form of a picture or video. The first few times Goddess did oblige with a pic, but used it as a teaching moment, making it clear that I needed to learn that a tribute is just that a tribute with nothing expected in return but her happiness. Soon my tributes doubles/tripled/quadrupled and I found myself in ‘subspace’ knowing that I was simply making Goddess happy and that was reward enough. My needs were insignificant, it was always all about Goddess and what she wanted. She was SUPERIOR in every way and I was just lucky to be a part of making her life happy. I was falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole with no way out. To be honest I didn’t want a way out! This was a magical place to be and I was one lucky bitch to have the honor of being even acknowledged by Goddess. The rabbit hole has no end, it is a black hole that only a lucky few have the honor of going deeper and deeper into.
I continued on this blissful path all throughout 2017 and into the fall of 2018. Hundreds became thousands, small gifts from the WANTlist became outdoor furniture sets, expensive WANTlist gifts, IPhone’s, LV bags, expensive dresses, luggage, thousands and thousands of dollars in cash. Goddess requested something and I bought it was as simple as that. I enjoyed every second of it. It got to the point where I was only happy when I was sending Goddess cash and/or gifts. The absolute best feeling in the universe! I was in subspace and the happiest man on earth. Goddess had trained me so well and I was at the absolute highest point in my life….
For some reason I thought that because I felt this way there was something wrong with me…I needed a therapist…How could I have fallen this hard? There had to be a way out! It was a complete lapse in judgement. Late in the fall of 2018 I began to see a therapist to speak about my ‘fetish’. I started to believe the therapist that I could beat this, and there was no reason for me to have a woman control my life like this and financially benefit. I started making lame excuses as to why I wasn’t around as much anymore to Goddess. Funny part is that Goddess did not CARE one bit. This is where I learned the harsh reality of how replaceable I was. You see I needed Goddess, Goddess did not need me one bit. In fact, she laughed and threw me out with the trash and went about her life as if nothing happened, because nothing did happen! I was DISMISSED without a thought.
For the next few months I continued going to therapy twice a week and really thought I had this beat. The therapy was winning! I was able to make it through the holidays and through the dreary winter months. Deep in my mind though, I knew that it was only a matter of time. I missed Goddess so much. I had this incredible empty feeling that I could not replace. I kept telling myself, with the guidance of therapy, that I was beating this, but I just wasn’t! I needed to be back where I truly belonged, under the beautiful feet of Goddess. I began to post on Twitter about how much I missed goddess hoping she would respond, but nothing ☹. I just could not take it anymore! Fuck Therapy! Its USELESS! Goddess is more powerful then any therapist and I craved to be back as one of her lucky bitches.
All it took was one DM from Goddess. One simple DM. ‘I see you bitch. Send $200.’ I sent $250 and my journey (from the bottom of course) started again. It has been two months since I have been back as the ‘Bottom Bitch’, but I feel whole again. I have had the honor of purchasing Starbucks gift cards, numerous lunches, dinners, cash, WANTlist items, a beautiful ring, and one of the lucky few afforded the opportunity to purchase one of her larger Birthday items. I am back to spending thousands $$$$ and look forward too many thousands $$$$ more. My number #1 Priority is to make and keep Goddess happy…. Whatever Goddess Wants Goddess Gets! This is where I belong, its where I have always belonged. My destiny was to be here under the Guidance of Goddess. I have permanently deleted my therapist’s number and she has tried in vain to reach me via a few friends. She needs to stay away. I am where I want to be and am so grateful that Goddess has given me the opportunity to be her bitch again. I have learned my lesson. I will never, ever leave again. Her POWER is REAL!
Forever Your Loyal and Obedient Bitch,